I cannot do this without God.
moments of extreme frustration.
fun and difficult.
harsh reality of my ugly ways.
revelation of how much past hurts have left a print on my heart and my mind- and how those hurts affect my actions and words.
fear overwhelms me sometimes. I never knew being so close, so vulnerable, was so very scary.
loving him is a choice I make everyday. Some days I have to think about it. Others I don't.
Knowing that he'll be my roommate for the rest of our lives is extremely difficult for my mind to grasp. It's super fun though!
Today we had a fight about cheese. And it was really difficult. And seemingly insignificant, but at the time, the hardest thing that ever existed in the world.
I have always been fascinated by the complexities of relationships, and now, this one proves to be multi-dimensional and a never-ending, ever-changing myriad that has me mesmerized. Such a cool glimpse and reminder of what relationship with the Lord is like, for He is truly infinite and mysterious and amazing.
What a thing it is to be experiencing the impossibility of loving him without God and then experiencing the beauty of God loving Him through me. I cannot love him as just Angela.
I am more selfish than I ever imagined.
I am so many things that I never saw before.
How difficult to depend on someone else so much.
How great to depend on Jesus entirely.
How wonderful to enjoy another person so much on this deep of a level- As if exploring the caverns of each others' hearts, each new cave is a new part of my personality, his preferences, my dreams, his thoughts etc... "Come look in here- this idea is so cool" "This may not surprise you, but its something of a key into an elemental part of my self" "Are you sure you want to go in there...no, don't! I don't think you'll like it" ...and unfortunately, upon entering an unstable cave without being invited-"Get out! Leave now! You cannot see this part of me- I'll fall apart and suffocate you unless you leave right now!" and then the opposite JOY of-"Come in here, it's a very fragile and special place, and noone except God has seen this part of me, and now I want to share it with you."
We help each other to discover new caverns as well- he has definitely helped me to come across caves I either haven't noticed or didn't exist before-WOW!
What a rough, exciting, exhilarating journey to be spelunking through each other's hearts.
I like him more every day.
Favorite interchange with husband Patrick so far:
me: Good morning :) (laying in bed) What are you thinking about?
him: A dream and a song.
me: (after much laughter) It's like I married a fairy prince.
He is my prince, my knight, my love.
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About Me
- quackquackinthekitchen
- I am a daughter of the King and I try to be a friend to all I meet.
Yes, I like your cave analogy, I think that's really true. I do have to point out that the quote at the bottom... I was thinking of the dream I just had and strangly enough I did have a song running through my head. It was weird, but I didn't think what I said was that funny.
ReplyDeleteoh, it WAS funny.
ReplyDeleteand I love your dreams and songs, my fairy prince. I envision Thumbelina when I say 'fairy prince'...or maybe Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid-not an official fairy prince, but dreamy nonetheless- like you! only you are dreamier and better in every way.
so great! thanks for sharing. you articulate very well. i am happy to know that in spite of the struggles, you still press on knowing the Lord is going to guide you around the corner and into another surprise & challenge.
ReplyDeleteit is so true, angela! marriage is both beautiful and tough, simple, yet complex... thanks for sharing your journey!
ReplyDelete