sour watermelon jolly rancher

i ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner
in bed today.
i prepared each meal myself.
placed it on a
tray
and brought it to my room.
where i watched britney spears, madonna, and justin timberlake music videos.
all within the comfort of my sheets.

i'm not quite sure i recognize myself today.
i know this was a rather lavish thing to do.
and that i am privileged to have such a day.

but when
i wake up,
get out of bed
and have difficulty keeping my balance just standing
even after i take a moment
something is abnormal from the start.

and then also...
emotions flare out of control.
tears flow.
i am overcome with every relational aspect of my life.
why?--the question i ask myself.

so i hibernate.
i drink tea and eat a waffle and a bagel and raisins and baked goods and i sleep sleep sleep
and then i eat some delicious pasta and some banana bread and watch a movie.
in bed.

some much-needed and appreciated insight and encouragement
from wonderful woman housemate
bring perspective
and shift the weight of wondering 'what is wrong with me' to, instead, 'i am not insane, and i am not alone. i am on a cycle that affects my emotions'


time to prepare in advance.
load up the sandbags
for the monthly storm.

and everyone leave me alone.